Dale McGowan, Molleen Matsumura, Amanda Metskas, Jan Devor by Raising Freethinkers--A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief

Author:Raising Freethinkers--A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief [Belief, Raising Freethinkers--A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

uang Tzu, Chinese

pressures can make it difficult to see that your

philosopher (389–286 BC)`

child isn’t necessarily just being stubborn

when she doesn’t want to be interrupted. It can also be challenging to set aside

appropriate and adequate times for extended concentration to be possible.

Not all activities that offer the flow experience are meaningful and en-

riching. Take computer games. You can see why some are so attractive: They

offer clear goals, immediate feedback, and a choice of skill levels so the game

stays “just hard enough.” But the skills involved are often useless outside the

world of the game. There’s nothing wrong with that by itself, of course. The

same could be said of many other recreational activities. The key is to not allow

these less enriching activities to overwhelm and push out the deeper, more

meaningful opportunities for flow.

Helping your child have flow experiences that are both inherently satisfy-

ing and enhancing other aspects of life will depend on identifying his or her

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Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief

particular abilities. Practice is a good thing, but practicing hard at a particu-

lar activity, such as playing the piano or playing basketball, will be more worth-

while to some kids than others. It takes careful observation to know whether

a child really needs to try a little harder or needs to try something different.

Q: How can we give our kids meaningful

encouragement in ways that promotes their

growth, identity, and learning?

“Our obligation is to give

meaning to life and in doing so

A:

to overcome the passive, indif-

Once when I was young and inexperi-

ferent life.

enced (that’s my excuse), I watched a toddler

practice walking. When he had walked some

” —Elie Wiesel,

distance without grabbing any furniture, I

Nobel Peace Laureate

clapped and cheered. More walking—more

cheering. After a while, he looked back over his shoulder, smiling and waiting

for me to cheer . . . and toppled backwards. That incident is a perfect illustra-

tion of how not to encourage your child’s learning and growth.

Kids are born ready to learn. A toddler is driven to learn to walk. No coax-

ing or cheering is needed—just some furniture to grab or an adult hand to

hang onto. After a fall, a baby may cry or need some comforting—then begin

again. The next day, no baby asks, “But what if I fall?” He just keeps practicing

until he’s learned to walk, then takes on another challenge—maybe stair-

climbing.

The learning process sounds much like a recipe for flow in that it takes

concentration and stretches one’s previous limits. When a learner has chosen

her goal, or at least understands its value, learning may indeed lead to flow

and be loved for its own sake—as well as helping kids acquire skills they value.

Yet unfortunately, older children often seem less enthusiastic about learning.

Some aspects of that problem are outside our control—but not outside

our influence. Some of our children’s friends may dampen their enthusiasm for

learning. We can try to support friendships with children who share excite-

ment about learning, although sometimes we have to stand back and let kids

solve this problem themselves as they mature.

Also, we can help our kids make the best of school and extracurricular ex-

periences, which, frankly, are sometimes disappointing.